To all my classmates MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR
To understand our Christnas story, you will have to read last years (2013) first.
Our Christmas story for 2013
I went to the refrigerator the other day after Thanksgiving to get something and stood there with the door open for the longest time trying to remember what I wanted. I never did figure out what I needed in the refrigerator but I did realize that another year had come and gone and I needed to buy some Christmas cards.
So I told Judy that I was going to the store to buy some Christmas cards. When I got there I couldn’t remember what I wanted so I bought some holy water and a box of chocolates for Judy.
When I got home Judy greeted me at the door asking where the Christmas cards were. I told her I forgot them. She then proceeded to get into my case for not closing the refrigerator door again. I handed her the box of chocolates and she began to chill.
I went to the refrigerator to put the holly water in to chill and thought that the holly water is great with some chips and we didn’t have any. Remembering to close the refrigerator door, I decided to make a list of what I needed from the store.
Upon completing the list I told Judy I was going to the store again. When I got to the store I reached inside of my pocket to get my list only to realize I left it at home. So I began walking the aisle of the store trying to remember what I needed when I saw chips. So I bought some chips and another box of chocolates for Judy. Did I tell you that Judy loves chocolates?
When I got home Judy greeted me at the door again asking where the Christmas cards were. I had to tell her I forgot them again and she said something like “stupid you left the list on the kitchen counter top”. I gave her another box of chocolates and she began to chill again.
I put the chips up and realized we didn’t have any salsa for the chips. Hot salsa will put a bounce in your step and I can always use some getup stimulus. I wish Obama gave us a stimulus package.
So I added salsa to the list and scratched the chips and was on my way out the front door when I hear Judy yelling something like “Oh no you don’t, I don’t need any more chocolates”, and I thought she love chocolates. She told me that she would buy the Christmas card when she went shopping.
Now for over two weeks I haven’t had a bounce in my step while I patiently waited for Judy to buy some salsa and Christmas cards. I ask you how difficult is it to remember to buy salsa? I remembered to buy her chocolates. I was required to drink my holy water and eat my chips without salsa. How stimulating is that?
Now it’s almost Christmas and I am trying to send out Christmas cards since Judy forgot to buy them and my salsa. Now I am pressed to get them out in time and I don’t handle stress very well at my age so I hope you get a Christmas card in this envelope. Just remember that it’s the thought that counts, right? Our hearts were in this task of Christmas cards but our minds failed to cooperate.
And that folks is our Christmas story for 2013 and we’re sticking to it.
We sincerely wish you a safe and happy Holidays season. May this story put a smile on your face and love in your heart. God bless and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
James & Judy King
Our Christmas story for 2014
Well another Christmas is upon us and Judy and I are doing fine. Except for the time I tried to fix the refrigerator door, this year has been uneventful.
As you may recall, last year I was having trouble remembering to close the refrigerator door. Well that refrigerator door is again this year’s excitement.
Living on a fix income, I had bought what I hoped was my last box of chocolates for leaving that stupid door open.
Did I tell you that Judy loves chocolates? Sometimes I buy her flowers and beg forgiveness.
Before I tell you my story about that refrigerator door, I need to tell you some things I forgot. One is a disclaimer. You know that warning which product manufacture’s use to avoid responsibility when dumb people do stupid things.
The second involves some very important laws of physics like elasticity and objects in motion. Specifically an object in motion tends to stay in motion and when an object in motion hits another object it will create an equal and opposite reaction. I forgot all about these laws and the disclaimer.
Now being of a bright, astute and intelligent mind, I devised a simple and clever plan to fix that refrigerator door so it would always close. All I needed was screws, a small bungee cord and for Judy to leave the house. I knew Judy would have never approved of my idea.
“Now the rest of the story.” “It ‘twas” not “the night before Christmas” and Judy had left to do some grocery shopping. “Not a creature was stirring”, just me on a mission to fix that stupid refrigerator door.
When Judy went shopping, I seized the moment and attached one end of a bungee cord to the top corner of the door and the other end to the back of the refrigerator. It didn’t take long and I was done in a jiffy.
My fix to the door was successful and worked regardless of what position the door was opened. It would close without any assistance.
There was only one small detail which I needed to remember to tell Judy (the disclaimer). Never let go of the refrigerator door when it is open. This would prevent the door from closing at the speed of sound!
Now if you have a refrigerator like ours, the door has shelves where you can put milk, eggs, jars of condiments and bottles of holy water.
Since this was an easy and simple fix, it didn’t take long. So I settled into a recliner and took a nap with “visions of sugar-plums dancing” in my head.
When all of a sudden “there arose such a clatter”. “I sprang” to my feet “to see what was the matter”? “When, what to my wondering eyes should appear” was Judy in front of the refrigerator door.
Her eyes – how they starred and her “mouth was drawn up like a bow”. I heard her exclaim; what have you done now?
She had returned home while I was napping and opened the refrigerator door before I could advise her of the disclaimer. Never let go of the door when it was open.
When that door closed at the speed of sound, all those objects in the door were in motion. When the door slammed shut, everything in the door launched like guided missiles on a mission of destruction to destroying everything in their path towards the back of the refrigerator. The chain reaction of all those objects colliding with other objects in the refrigerator sounded as if it was Santa’s work shop.
There was chaos and pandemonium coming from inside of the refrigerator and it went on for what seemed to be an eternity! What a mess it did make and I was in favor of buy a truck load of chocolates and a new refrigerator. By now you can imagine who was tasked to clean it up.
Now I’ve been buying chocolates and flowers all year and Judy still has me in time-out. She does not trust me and if I move, she watches me like a hawk. As soon as I start to do something she is asking “what are you doing now?”
This is our Christmas story for 2014. Hope it puts a smile on your face and brightens your day.
God bless and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
James & Judy King